I've written about sex for more than 10 years, so it's no surprise that good friends and strangers often talk to me about their most intimate issues. I think that's because they know that I'm open-minded and non-judgmental, and that makes me feel really good. As a sex writer, I get to see (and try!) the newest sex toys on the market, so it recently occurred to me that I should share the love with my girlfriends. That's why I decided to host a sex toy party.
Since I have 5-year-old twins who are always underfoot, I decided to hold the party at the apartment of my newly single and kid-free friend Amelie*. We agreed to call it a "naughty brunch," so as to not intimidate anyone. It would be just like normal brunch, except even better—there would be vibrators. (If you're looking for a new one to try, don't miss these 7 kick-ass sex toys you can get on Amazon Prime.)
The guest list included four other friends, all of whom were somewhat skeptical about attending, despite often sharing secrets with me. In a group email invite laden with puns—"Come over (and over and over)"—I reassured them that this was NOT a sex party and that no one would be expected to test any toys in person, nor would they be expected to buy anything, as I was just planning to give away my free swag. Since I knew all the women, I was aware that some of them had probably never owned a sex toy before, and I considered it my personal duty to change this. "Just think of me as a sex toy fairy godmother," I told them.
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On the day of the party, Amelie set out a brunch buffet including a frittata and some pretty provocative looking crudité. I brought my haul of new toys from Adam & Eve and set them out on the table as a conversation starter.
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When our friends arrived, we greeted each person with a glass of Prosecco (an essential for any sex toy party!). As we caught up and drank, I could sense a little nervousness among the guests. Finally, Jennifer, who is married with two kids, picked up one of the toys and made a joke that broke the tension in the room. Now we could start the fun part.
To get things going, I asked everyone to sit in a circle for a quick round of "I Never," the game where you have to take a drink each time you HAVE done the thing mentioned. For example, if I say, "I Never owned a vibrator" (ha!), and you have, then you take a drink. I kept the "I Nevers" pretty tame (ie, I Never had sex in the last seven days or I Never faked an orgasm), and the game really helped to loosen the mood and bring us around to the topic at hand.
I wasn't selling any toys, so I simply shared a bit of info on each of the products and then asked who wanted what. (Since you may not have your own sex toy fairy godmother, pick up one of these 10 most highly reviewed sex toys on Amazon.)
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We started with the Luminous G-Spot Vibrator (Buy now: $60, adameve.com) that Jennifer had picked up earlier—and would later take home. Jen liked that the vibrator glowed a fiery shade of red with the lights out, and said that it would make her husband feel like he was having sex with the devil. Naughty! That got a conversation started about whether our various partners would mind us bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. Jen said that when she first started dating her hubs he was jealous of her vibrator. They used to call it "Pierre" and made jokes about how she was going to leave him for it. "But he quickly realized that Pierre only enhanced our relationship because I was more into sex," she told us. "I don't think he'll mind me bringing a new 'friend' home." (Here's how one woman's husband reacted when she finally got up her nerve to introduce a sex toy in their relationship.)
Next up was Eve's Crotchless Vibrating Panty (Buy now: $20, adameve.com). My friend Valerie loves lingerie, so we knew this was all hers. The panties are black and lacy, offering easy access and a removable vibrating bullet that you can tuck into a hidden pocket.
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A newer friend in our group, Greta, seemed very quiet. A hunch told me she had zero experience with sex toys, so I looked in her direction when we showcased the Rev Up Rechargeable Rabbit (Buy now: $50, adameve.com). Rabbit vibrators are an essential for masturbation beginners because they offer both G-spot and clitoral stimulation. Greta laughed nervously when I handed her the toy. "I've always wanted to try this, but I was too intimidated to get one for myself," she confided in me when we were alone in the kitchen. I was blown away that something that's totally normal and so not a big deal to me could mean so much to someone! (Here are 10 good reasons why you should masturbate tonight.)
At this point, I claimed the Adore Me Diamond Vibe (Buy now: $30, adameve.com) for myself. I loved the rhinestone-studded base, which apparently makes the toy easy to grip, but also looks like it would belong to a chick in an '80s heavy metal video.
The Joy Ride with Extreme Power Boost (Buy now: $80, adameve.com) was probably the centerpiece of our sex toy party. With a suction cup on the bottom (so you can go hands-free while it does its thing) plus eight vibration settings and a power boost button for maximum buzzing, this prize had to go to our host, Amelie, who would make good use of it now that her ex was officially history. "This definitely looks more satisfying then a certain person we will not name!" she joked.
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Our friend Natalie confessed that her boyfriend would be threatened if she brought home a vibrator, so she took home the Flutter Ring (Buy now: $30, adameve.com). It's a discreet clitoral stimulator that you wear as a ring, and she agreed that it would be less intimidating than suctioning the Joy Ride to the wall in her shower. "I never really masturbate," she confessed to us, "but maybe I should!"
By this time we had finished almost all the Prosecco, and Valerie returned from the bathroom with something buzzing under her pants. She'd decided to try on the vibrating crotchless panties! "This is intense!" she said, squirming and covering her privates as we all laughed. Jen and Amelie and I were hysterical with laughter and Greta had turned a shade of bright red. I promise, most sex toy parties don’t include guests trying out the goods, but it was all in good fun, and I was happy to see everyone so at ease.
Amelie and I sent our friends home with plenty of lube and toy cleaner, and all the girls promised they would report back on their new gadgets. It will be a great conversation topic for our next brunch, that's for sure!
*All names have been changed